Little Women (1994)
Some people have an internal clock for when they need to go to bed, or wake up, or eat something, but I am bad at those things. I do, however, have an internal clock for needing to watch Little Women, which goes off approximately every 5 years.
I’m not sure what triggers this desire. The last time I watched it was during a moment of transition; I had just finished grad school, and was living in Washington DC for a writing fellowship. I felt lonely and overwhelmed a lot that summer, and one night, I downloaded the movie off Pirate Bay and watched it on my laptop in the room I was subletting from a friend of a friend. It’s strange living among someone else’s clothes, sleeping in someone else’s bed, using someone else’s bidet. I think I needed something familiar, that conveyed a sense of home.
So when this feeling came on last night, I took my temperature: Am I lonely? Overwhelmed? I thought back to a doctor’s appointment I went to last week. My doctor suspected I might be anemic, and asked if I’d felt tired lately. Yeah, I said, but who doesn’t? (It felt good to make her laugh, but then she ordered a blood test, which I wasn’t thrilled about.) I sure as hell am tired, and sometimes a little lonely, and a lot overwhelmed, but that seems par for the course if you’re a human living in 2019.
The real answer, I think, is that I’ve been feeling very Jo March lately. I am writing a lot, and I’m not sure if any of it is good, and I’m frustrated that the newspapers pay writers for the “fairy stories” their readers want to see, while philosophers like Bhaer live like paupers. I’m mad that people like Beth, who go out of their way to do good things, only see an early death. I’ve never wanted to be Meg, who is only ever known for marrying a boring-ass good dude and popping out twins. I need someone to tell me that maybe if I had the courage to do it, I would write something actually good.
As a little girl, Laurie was it. That floppy hair! His crinkly eyes! Jo, why did you turn him down? Somehow, this was the very first time I’ve watched Little Women and felt like Jo deserved more. I don’t even mean Bhaer — but if you’re into stuffy professor types then girl, get it. I mean Jo’s original….zest for life? (I hate this phrase.) But I’m thinking the early scenes where she’s drawn a mustache on herself to act out the stories she wrote or is shouting hello at the neighbors even though it’s bad manners, versus the later scenes where she’s sipping Bhaer’s strong coffee like a Lady, or is rejected by that shitty dude editor who tells her to try the women’s magazines. (That scene fills me with rage! I want to physically fight that man!) The old Jo wouldn’t have stood for that! Or waited for Bhaer to call on her in a boys’ club debate about whether women should be able to vote! And then, suddenly, I’m asking myself: am *I* compromising my values? Is the world tempering me in the same way it made a (kind of) lady out of Jo?
Most terrifyingly, the movie reminds me of what I thought adulthood would be like at age 8, and how the characters represented what I did and did not want to be. I used to think Amy was a completely useless ninny-pinny, and I still kind of do, but I now have the tiniest amount of empathy for the pressures girls feel to be stylish or rich. I thought Beth was a boring homebody, and I still don’t want her life, but I envy her ability to be still and thoughtful, and so generous. Am I getting soft and compromising, or am I growing? How do I know the difference?
Congratulations! You just made it through the first Hu Cares!
In the spirit of radical honesty, I have no idea what this newsletter will be, besides a place for me to write for fun, and I am a little terrified to put work out into the world that isn’t filtered by a talented editor. But I am channeling the advice in this tweet, which I have framed on my desk:
TL;DR: You’ve signed up to read about my patchy beard.
Here’s some stuff I’ve enjoyed lately:
Are men singing higher in pop music these days? A cool data journalism piece from The Pudding.
SHORT-ALLS. Do I look like a fashion victim? Maybe a little, but I assure you it is 1000% worth it. Imagine… comfortable shorts! But also, tons of pockets! The only downside is going to the bathroom at a bar. But I believe in you and your ability to handle whatever life throws at you.
The case for climate rage, by Amy Westervelt for Popula. A choice quote: “‘What does it matter who’s at fault, we all need to come together to solve it!’ shout men who look just like the men who are most to blame. Men who will suffer last and least.”
These air mattresses a-blowin’ in the wind, which kind of reminds me of this classic Vine.
Walkie Talkies. Remember how exciting those were as a kid? Turns out they’re still great toys for adults. Last weekend, we went climbing with some friends and communicated across our two cars and from climber to “ground control” using a set of “Tack Life” walkies. (Tack = tactical? tacky?) We gave each other silly call names and misused phrases like “five by five” and made fake static noises, and it felt like we were having an illegal amount of fun. Bonus: they’re actually useful outside or any place you don’t have cell reception.
Marc Rebillet’s live Reddit performance. Gotta appreciate how this guy goes ALL THE WAY IN.
Some stuff I’ve written lately:
As facial recognition and AI vision becomes more prevalent, we’re gonna see all sorts of badass cyberpunk LEWKS out of it. (Slate)
There are all sorts of fake, joke-y Google Maps locations. Shout out to my friend C for pointing out “balls deep in the bullshit” to me, which spurred this piece! (Slate)